Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
