peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
