she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
