Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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