He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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