So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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