after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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