John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
