He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
