You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
