I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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