I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
