In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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