nut hugger
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
