If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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