At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
