i don't like sucking hair
there's paper in my vomit.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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