If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
