wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
