I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
