If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
