Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
