Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
