If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
