I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
