i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
