Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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