New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
