Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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