If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
