I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
