I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
