some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
