ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
