party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
