Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
