I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
