Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you had me at cake vodka
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
