Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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