she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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