If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
