Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
