So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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