I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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