is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
