So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
