You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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