I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
