she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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