is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
