Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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