Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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