He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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