I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
