I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
