What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
