If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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