For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
