You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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