i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
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So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
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I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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