In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
