you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
