Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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