I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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