Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
