I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
