I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
