I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
