Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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