I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
just found out that she named her cat after me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
